This Is What A Peaceful Divorce Looks Like

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Figuring out how to have a good divorce matters. Although it sounds impossible, divorced couples are finding that there are peaceful divorce solutions.

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Postcards From A Peaceful Divorce

The traditional image of a divorced couple includes fighting and heartbreak. But many couples are embracing a different, more amicable side of divorce dubbed a peaceful divorce. The idea is that for a couple who was once in love, is the concept of remaining friends after divorce so far fetched? Many couples are, indeed, finding peaceful divorce solutions. On VProud there's a powerful and thought-provoking video and conversation about this very topic. Mother, writer, and lecturer Molly Monet was one of the leading thought leaders to suggest that learning how to have a good divorce matters. Below, she reflects on what her own peaceful divorce experience looks like eight years later. Take a look at what Molly says about the process of having a peaceful divorce. Molly delves deeply into how her divorce affected her identity eight years ago and how very differently it does so today. Molly doesn't sugar-coat a single thing about the hard work she had to do to get where she is today, but her words do hold something incredibly important: hope for normalcy and friendship post-divorce. Take a look at Molly's words and see how they affect your impressions about the process and concept of a peaceful divorce.

—The VProud Team

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Eight Years Later

By Molly Monet for VProud

This Saturday, August 29, was my 17th wedding anniversary. Or shall I say it would have been, had we not split up eight years ago. Nevertheless, this day never passes unnoticed because I still have fond memories of my marriage and enduring love for my ex-husband.

Not long after we broke up I started a blog about my peaceful divorce and our continued friendship amidst the conflicts that separated us. I remember exactly how I felt in those early years.

Eight years later, however, my divorce is no longer such a big part of my identity. Someone once told me that eventually I would find a new normal after divorce, and I have. My ex has remarried, and I am engaged. We no longer live in the same city but instead meet twice a week to exchange the kids. He has his life, and I have mine.

Yet, nonetheless, we have this ongoing bond through the two children that we produced. There are times when one of our kids will do or say something that I just have to share with him. Like when my son’s teachers told me at a parent conference that his fellow students wrote several notes about how kind he had been to them. Or when my daughter drew a beautiful portrait, demonstrating artistic talent that she clearly inherited from him since I can barely draw a stick figure. He always thanks me for these calls, and I like knowing that I can share these moments with someone who truly understands how proud I feel. And they remind me that despite the conflicts that we experienced in our marriage, our children are the current manifestation of the bond that once existed between us.

At my daughter’s recent elementary graduation, the principal asked the students’ families to come up and be recognized. My ex, who is quite introverted, begged off, and so I went up alone to receive a lovely rose. Later on, my fiancé mentioned that he wished that the three of us had gone up together to show our joint contribution to her life. So now I have a goal for the next graduation. And maybe his wife can join us too.

I do believe that Mama Miya is on the mark when she says that friendship with your ex constantly evolves. I know that we will have future celebrations to rejoice, adolescent problems to discuss, and other momentous occasions to mark. It is my intention to do that together, harmoniously, whenever possible. And when we do disagree and fall into ugly old patterns, I am fortunate to say that eight years later, I can hang up the phone and turn to my new man, whose calm demeanor and supportive nature are truly a blessing.

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About the author: Molly Monet is a divorced mom of two kids who has maintained a peaceful relationship with her ex. She wants to show other divorcees that it is possible to have a loving and united nuclear family despite a marital split. Molly is currently a lecturer at Boston University, and her work has appeared in Huffington Post Divorce. She received a BA from Princeton and a PhD from Yale. Join Molly’s honest conversations on VProud.

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Once a spouse, always a friend: Do you have a good relationship with your ex?

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