How To Stop Yelling At Kids And Still Parent Effectively

6:58 AM

Parents admit I yell at my kids too much and ask is yelling really bad. Here are mom and doctor approved tips to stop yelling and still parent.

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Is Yelling Bad

There has been a lot of discussion recently about parenting and yelling and why these two words so often show up in the same conversations and, more importantly, should they. Many people have posited how detrimental yelling is for kids. It's scary, it can hurt your parent-child relationship, and it isn't all that effective in changing behavior. Mother of four, author, and doctor, Deborah Gilboa has an amazing video on VProud where she does two hugely important things. First, she admits that even she sometimes yells at her kids and second, she gives five easy-to-access-right-now tips for yelling less at kids. Parenting is so very hard and, like Dr. Gilboa, most of us will admit to sometimes raising our voices at our kids and asking ourselves if we're yelling too much. Below, we distill Dr. Gilboa's advice and take a step into the is yelling bad conversation. Take a look at what we found and see if your thoughts and opinions on yelling at kids matches our experience, differs from it, or is affected by it.

—The VProud Team

yelling at my kids too much

How To Yell Less

Dr. Gilboa posits that everyone raises their voice at their kids sometimes. Parents yell when it's a safety issue, when we're short on time, and when we're short on patience.

But last fall, the journal Child Development published new research with this message: Yelling at your kids can be just as bad as corporal punishment and it could cause behavior problems and emotional development issues leading many parents to wonder is yelling effective in changing kids' behavior anyway.

The research-based answer found is what most of us already knew from experience and gut feeling--yelling isn't an effective parenting strategy. It does sometimes work in the moment to stop a behavior, but in terms of a teaching and parenting tool, yelling doesn't work. But sometimes it's what we reach for because it's all we've got for the day. Whether we're frustrated or tired or really and truly angry, sometimes we do yell.

In her breath-of-fresh-air video Dr. Gilboa doesn't admonish this, she steps into it instead.

Rather than teaching parents how to never yell at our kids, she suggests five easy-to-access tips to yell less. The video is short and pointed, in less than two minutes. Dr. Gilboa fully explains her tips, In shortened form, they are:

  1. Eye contact
  1. Get quieter
  1. Speak to each child individually
  1. Keep it short
  1. "What did I say?"
When I've lost my cool with my kids in the past, I've learned to circle back with them and apologize for my behavior and to keep my apology completely unrelated to their behavior so they never hear or normalize the message, "Your behavior made me do it." But I really and truly appreciate Dr. Gilboa's proactive advice to try my very best to not get to the point of yelling at my kids, or at the very least, to yell less.

Deborah Gilboa, MD is a parenting and youth development expert, Family Physician, international speaker, media expert, mom of four boys, and the author of Get the Behavior You Want ... Without Being the Parent You Hate. Join her honest conversations on VProud.

Join This Honest Conversation

is yelling bad
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