Woman Confesses I Do Not Want Kids, World Does Not End6:26 AM
I do not want kids is something many women say to themselves and feel okay about. Society has a ways to go in not judging women who do not want children.
This Is What Happens When Women Are Childless By ChoiceNothing. Absolutely nothing happens. Well, not nothing, but certainly nothing catastrophic. There is a misnomer that not only do all women want children, but that there is something mentally or physically wrong with women who don't want children. This is problematic. On VProud there's an amazingly poignant I don't want children video, and below communications consultant Michelle Scheuermann steps right into the topic of kids versus no kids decision, specifically addressing whose discussion is this anyway. Take a look at what Michelle has to say about what the seemingly innocent do you have kids question feels like to someone who doesn't have kids. Michelle delves into her inner dialogue and leaves no stone unturned in this searingly important essay. This is a vulnerable look at a perspective that isn't listened to enough. Let's change that right now.
—The VProud Team
Please Don’t Ask if I Have Kids
By Michelle Scheuermann for VProud
Please don’t ask if I have kids. Because if you do, there’s an awkward pause and a forced smile as I brightly-as-possible say, “Nope! Just my husband and cat!” And then I'm forced to desperately hope you don’t ask the ultimate follow-up question – “Do you want kids?” or “Are you going to have kids?”
Look, we just met. You are either my hairdresser that I found off of Groupon, or maybe you are a friend of a friend at a cocktail party. Our conversations can stay truly superficial. In fact, after dealing with people all day in my job, I am even ok with not talking to you at all. (But then I’m a bitch, and that’s a whole ‘nother conversation.)
The kid question – although well meaning – cuts a little. Its like every damn time someone asks me that question, I feel like a small razor comes out and plays tic-tac-toe on my arm. I figure one day I won’t feel like that anymore. I’m 38 right now, so maybe by 45 I’ll be able to breezily respond with, “Nope, but I do have a wonderful vacation home in Hawaii that I’m leaving for in a couple weeks.” Which is a response that is part bitchy and part answering “I-don’t-need-kids-to-fulfill-my-life.” Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
But every time you ask that question, my own fears and questions are brought up again. Do I need kids to fulfill my life? Should my husband and I have done more to try to have children? Could we still try to do more at 38 and 39 years old? Do. I. Really. Want. Children?
Look, I get you are well meaning and all, and for those with children – or who have never struggled to have kids – you will never understand. You might say I’m overly sensitive. You might say it’s just one of those questions people ask to start a conversation, or to kill time. I get it. But does it need to be?
Michelle Scheuermann is a communications consultant in St. Paul, Minnesota who has been happily married for 12 years and doesn’t see that changing – kids or sans kids. She works out of her home with her office assistant, Harrison the kitty. Join Michelle's honest conversations on VProud.
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